Wednesday, June 7, 2017

Listen to Understand. Listen to Promote Movement. Do You Hear What the Children Are Saying?

C.J. graduated from 5th grade this week.  My how time is truly flying!  I started thinking about how unique he is and referenced some of the challenges and hurdles he has overcome.  I thought about when he was nine-years old and how he needed to urgently discuss his day at school.  The first two days, I listened intently -  mostly to allow him to vent. However, I presented a few questions and then left the two issues alone.

On the third day, upon picking both boys up, C.J. immediately began to vent.  I learned C.J. had a really rough day - both at school and the after-school program.  Listening to him talk and watching his body language, I knew this, definitely, was a teachable moment.  Upon leaving, one of the workers encouraged C.J. and told him "never allow anyone to treat you bad or do things to you just to fit in with the crowd."  While riding home, I explained to C.J. what his options were and decided to support him in the option his chose by attending a meeting at his request.  I went to school with him the next morning to talk with the teacher, but ended up speaking with the Principal. It appeared to have gone well and there was a plan for C.J. to talk with the teacher a little later.

I later received a call from the teacher.  She assured me that she wanted to have a positive working relationship; but C.J. wasn't willing to let it all go and start with a clean slate. Upon picking him up from the after-school program, I was given a letter by staff.  On the ride home, I asked C.J. why wasn't he willing to let it all go and start with a clean slate at school. His response, "Grandma, they acted differently when you were there that morning.  But in the meeting that afternoon, they kept saying I didn't hear it correctly, when I know what I heard and I know what was done."

Perception is everything - even if it is through the eyes of a child. I was able to help C.J. transition through his emotions and not be stuck.  I explained to him what his priority should be - which is to go to school and learn.  I also explained what happens when we are distracted.  I also told him that as an adult, I too sometimes experience situations such as he had.  But, we must learn to keep moving and not be emotional hijacked.

After arriving home, I discovered a pleasant surprise.  The young man whom had bullied C.J. while at the after-school program had written me a letter of apology.  I had C.J. to read it to me so that he could see what the young man had written.  I am thankful for old-school parents whom hold their children accountable and teaches them to take responsibility for their actions.  I sent the young man a thank you letter.  The letter aided in helping C.J. to keep moving.

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