Tears of Sorry...Voices of Anger - It's Time for Change!

Tears of Sorry...Voices of Anger - It's Time for Change!                              

By: Priscilla R. Ndiaye, MSML

       Published Author of A Mother’s Cry: He’s Still My Child

Within this first week of July 2016, nationwide - many mothers’ children are dead

Rumors, perceptions, and facts dispelled everywhere

In the midst, visuals and wordings of anger glares

I could only imagine what the victims have left unsaid

Asheville, NC – Jai “Jerry” Williams possibly cried

My hands are up – my child is in this car – don’t shoot

Please don’t place that gun by my side

Why did you let my body lie in the street so long?

Is it procedural or to insight fear in those looking on?

How many 911 calls were made and why didn’t I receive immediate medical care?

Hands off!  That’s my father.  Put down those rifles! Don’t wrestle him to the ground! 

Listen to the cries!  Do you hear the wailing?  Are you even in touch with the sounds?

Increasing the anger…WHY, for so long, did you just leave me lying there -

My lifeless, bloody body - riddled with your bullets --- for people to stare?

Children watching – some saying… “His soul left his body.”

Baton Rouge, LA – Could it be that Alton Sterling hollers

You’ve slammed me to the ground, I’m on my back

Take the gun from my chest – I’m only selling CDs -trying to make a dollar

Stop!  Don’t shoot – my son is watching - in instilled-for-life fear

Please don’t let him witness this – branding the rest of his life and filling it with tears

St. Paul, MN – Philando Castile – Following the rules – I did everything right

I have no criminal records. I’m carrying a licensed gun, as you requested, here’s my I.D.

Officer, Sir, didn’t know the tail light was broken, please don’t shoot me

My fiancé and child are here, please don’t shoot me

Live streamed, as mother cried, we can hear his little girl say, “It’s o.k., I’m here with you.”

Children so innocent – scarred for life – are these scenes in their future too?

Stop the violence – by each other and those hired to protect!  What is it that we need to do?

In spite of stereotyping, we’re not ALL bad people – we love our families and want to live

Dallas, TX – ambush suspect shooter, Micha Xavier Johnson – deranged - outraged - yelled

Stop killing my brothers! – I’m fed up – Can’t take it no more – by my actions - can you tell?

Ambushed …slain…in the line of duty Sworn to protect, policing for your safety -  

Community servants!  Fathers!  Husbands!  Wife!  Ex-military members!  Somebody’s child…

Twelve officers and others gunned down  - five officers dead

I wonder what they, too, left unsaid

“Living my dream being a police officer”

We’re not ALL bad cops – we love community, and a feeling of being safe want to give

We’re humans– with families– fear for our safety, and we, too, want to live

As the world watches and listens, what do we see, feel and hear?

Racial tension? Hatred?  Division? Payback? Just doing my job? Fear?

Graphic videos.  Live streamed. 

Tragedy!  So much bloodshed!

Mourning! Many on edge.                                             

Emotions hijacked!

Anger!  Outrage! 

Black lives – all lives matter!

Protest!   Rallies!  Marches! Vigils!

No justice no peace!

Flags and flowers to the fallen

He’s wrong… they’re wrong…

What’s really going on?

Lethal use of force – violence –darkness - the current pulse of the environment

“I want to see what yall did to my baby”

“Oh my God – please don’t tell me he’s dead!”

“It hurts to see what’s going on – stop the violence!”

“Nobody should have to be taken away from their families.”

“She loves her dad – very much.”

"We are scared of the police probably more than we are scared of the people in our community," 

"We don't feel safe at all,”

Nationwide, mother’s fearing for the sons, society fearing for their lives

What can we do to build a bond of peace and reconciliation?

We ALL love our family members

Too many African-Americans dying at the hands of police – not held accountable

Outrage – fear across the country – cold-blooded murder during the day and night

All of this killing just isn’t right

Do we want to gain understanding and bring about change?

Time to take a hard look at self, policies, and procedures

National discussions are in order – through respect and listening ears

It’s time to stop the madness… the evil… and decrease the tears

Fundamental issues need to be addressed

Fear from both sides.  Why? 

Community members not supporting or trusting police officers.  Why?

Where can we decrease or neutralize bias, and build trust?

What are the trigger points?

Is it the racial profiling and disrespect?

Let’s talk about it!

Let’s create a list of mutual rules?

How can we survive – let’s stop looking like fools?

Look at the statistics!

Since 2013, violent crime in Asheville's Housing Authority's developments has gone up 24 percent, according to data from the Asheville Police Department.

6% population -  40% unarmed  -killed by cops according to national statistics

Can we all get along?  Build positive relationships?  Stop the violence?

Can we focus on nurturing our children, making this place a better world?

Can we, collectively, establish checks and balances, and processes of accountability?

Much critical conversation is needed?  Let’s make it happen!  Step up leaders and arrange!

People are dying senseless deaths.  No more excuses!  It’s time for change!

Prayers go out for the families, communities, deceased and those fighting for their lives.

My final thought:  Maybe God is trying to tell us something, uncovering things to the light

Through differences, division, and hatred, let it be known as it has been shown

ALL lives matter!

 “Darkness can not drive out darkness – only light can do that.”  Martin Luther King, Jr.

CHAOS EVERYWHERE! WHAT’S GOING ON? Fire Monkey? Fiery Darts? Roaring Lion?

My heart is heavy.  I have noticed that there is a more intense and hostile environment in the world.  More people are blowing their cool, angry, road raging, killing, disrespectful, greedy, misusing authority, deceitful, and etc.  My grandmother used to say “people start acting out of character and out of order when the weather gets hotter.”  I am sure police blotters/statistics can prove it right or wrong.  One of my sons told me while driving down the road a couple of days ago, he came upon six grown men on the in the middle of the street -on the ground fighting.  His passenger wanted to sit and watch.  My son quickly turned the car around – out of harms’ way.  He told his rider, “Either of those guys can pull a gun and start shooting at any time.  Bullets don’t have eyes.”  Another one of my grandmother’s saying.

Prior to my conversation with my son, I was talking with an Attorney.  I made a comment about something being in the air because people are so angry, disrespectful, and uncaring.  With a sense of excitement, the Attorney stated, “We were just having this conversation in our office.  When I mentioned that there is so much chaos and tension in the court house.  One of the other Attorneys told me it is the year of the fire monkey.” 

Fire monkey?  I became curious as to what exactly this is.  I found this:  "Year of the Red Fire Monkey is based on Chinese belief (Astrology) and technically began February 8, 2016 and will go through Friday, January 27, 2017 under the power of the Sun.   This time will bring the sparkling energy.  Under the influence of elemental Fire and the Monkey's fixed element of Metal, it's an era of building, creating and forging ahead. We're hurdling obstacles with remarkable ease and reaching for the stars. It's a year of blazing opportunity and wild passions, a roller-coaster ride of the senses, and sometimes all you can do is hang on and surrender to the journey!

It's best to take nothing for granted. The Monkey is wise but also unpredictable, and given to bouts of jealousy, suspicion or temper tantrums. Trust is difficult this year. Nonetheless, you may recall that the Space Age officially began in 1956, a Fire Monkey year. Expect to see innovative developments in the sciences, technology, education, commerce and the performance arts."

I don’t know what your belief or attitude is, but I do know what my belief is. The manifestation of your life is a reflection of what you are listening to, what you are reading, and what you believe. In order for you to get the best out of your life, you must fill your mind with positive information that promotes self-responsibility.  It is my responsibility to guard myself against any chaos.  It is also my responsibility to teach my children, grandchildren, and others. I do so with a focus on putting on the whole armor of God.  Ephesians 6.  

It is apparent that there is a tremendous amount of chaos everywhere, and it doesn’t appear to be slowing down anytime soon.  We are in spiritual warfare.  Many of us have such busy lives; and in these times trouble seems to be always knocking at our door. Our lives are affected by divorce, finances, violence, death, and many other situations of life. 

Looking from a spiritual perspective, some may call this activity attacks from the enemy with fiery darts piercing you from all directions; and others say it’s the devil roaring like a lion seeking whom it may devour.  When you look at your life and everything coming your way, you can see that now is the time to go on the offensive. Now is not the time to be sitting around being an easy target and waddling in self-pity.  It’s time to put on the whole armor of God!  Make your environment conducive for something miraculous to happen. Because you can become a product of your environment, your environment is key. Everyday remind yourself that you are a person of purpose and destiny. Stand on the platform of life and declare that you were born to make a difference in the earth. If you are not seeing the outcomes you want in your life, change your thinking and inner circle, walk boldly with faith in God, and make good things happen!

Let every decision you make going forward be connected to your God-given purpose and destiny. Your thoughts are crucial in this season. Your destiny is sitting on the tip of your very own tongue. The Bible says, "Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof." (Proverbs 18:21). You can defy the odds and make it happen for yourself and your household.  Don't let the pressure, the fire monkey, roaring lion, and fiery darts get to you.   

The bottom line for me is regardless of what is going on, I still must maintain self-control and not be distracted so that I am not devoured.  More importantly, I must keep my mind stayed on God the Father, Jesus the Son, and the Holy Spirit that lives within me.  I have learned that my eyes fixed on Him gives me a special gift – God’s perfect peace.

Life, especially the Christian life, isn’t exempt from times of difficulty, strain, and worry.  However, God doesn’t want us to carry the weight of the world on our shoulders.  In fact, the word of God tells us, “Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.”  Proverbs 4:23   Your heart's condition depends on the things you allow into your heart. These things form your thoughts and attitudes, and ultimately, shape the deepest part of your being. No matter what your circumstances (the outside) are, if your heart (the inside) is right, you're going to be okay.  But if wrong things (i.e. bitterness, hatred, jealousy, racism, and etc.) in our hearts go unattended, they will become deeply rooted and harder to deal with. The quicker you can detect a wrong heart condition and get it straightened out, the better off you are.

In addition, Phillipians 4:6-8, sums it all up for me.                  Stand Firm in the Lord
…6Be anxious for nothing, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. 8Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think on these things.…

In closing, guard your heart and certainly watch out for the fire monkey, roaring lion, and fiery darts! 

LIFE - HOW ARE YOU JOURNEYING?

"I acknowledge that as a human being, with weaknesses and foibles, it is much easier to see 'out there' than it is to acknowledge that I am the only one who gets to say what goes on in my life. I am creating my experiences moment by moment, thought by thought, word by word, action by action."  Iyanla Vanzant

Watching life quickly pass by - hearing about all of the violence within my community and throughout the world - and listening to the divisive conversations, can be overwhelming. It brings me to the reality that life is a big classroom and we encounters many different test, experiences, and teachers along our journey. But for some - life is just like being on a big battlefield. There are continuous actions to make wrong right, change the laws, change the mindsets, stop the violence, stop oppressing others, stop the bullying, and the list goes on and on and on. Watching others and dealing with our own personal experiences can overpower us, emotionally hijack us, stress and depress us, and could take us into a self-destructive mindset - if we allow it.   Life is literally a trip!  A spirit, clothed in flesh - we are all on a trip called life.

Through life we journey...we journey with and past people...thoughts...deeds...and actions. We journey through emotions...joy, anger, and pain. We journey through places - within and outside of the norm. We journey through relationships, jobs, churches, school, and etc.  We journey through misunderstandings to understandings. We journey through barriers, disappointments. We journey...

One thing for sure this journey will come to an end. Just as we were given a date and time to enter into this journey called life; we all are given a date and time for it to come to an end.  We will stand before our maker and be held accountable for what we did with our gift of life.

Since the sudden death of my brother in November I often ask myself a most important question which led to others; "how will you make the best of the the time, along your journey and before your end comes?"  

Will you focus on those negative things in life which you have no control?

Will you counteract those things with positive flow?

Will you be led by others and their agenda?

Will you take lead and create your own agenda?

Will you allow people to use, abuse, and walk over you?

Will you stand for what you believe and fight for the cause to bring about the change you want to see?

Will you focus on helping others or will you focus on self?

Will you just sit, worry, and cry over situations?

Will you take corrective actions?

Will you accept the fact that you have no control over anybody or anything - other than yourself and your actions?

Will you allow others to dictate to you what you should do with your personal situations...your life?

Will you take control and make your own decisions?

Will you be defeated or will you overcome?

Will you forever remember that the battle is already won. Jesus' has already shed his blood for me.

Will you have faith and trust God along this life's journey?

After all of those thought-provoking questions, I am currently resting on several conclusions: Keep living. Journey on. Follow your dreams. Don't give up the fight. Remove drama and negativity away from you. Do what makes your heart happy. Live and let live. Be watchful and prayerful. Help others when and where YOU choose. Don't be distracted. Live life to the fullest for tomorrow is not promised. In all things, stay balanced! Try the spirit by the spirit. In all things stay connected to God - the highest power.

I love reading and listening to things that empower me. As a choir member, I had the opportunity to learn and lead a song, This Means War. The words ...the message resides in my spirit and gives me strength to endure and power to overcome - when I am having some difficult moments along life's journey. In sharing, my hope is that you will be empowered in some way. While on YOUR journey, just imagine journeying through life and singing this song along the way.

I got joy in my soul

God is in control

I got satan on my trail

But I'm singing all is well

He's attacking everyday

But I'm watching while I pray

No matter the attack - I want turn back!

This means war.

Been through the storm and the rain

But the blood still stays the same

No matter what's going wrong

My war clothes are on

I might be in a daze, but you can't have my praise

No matter the attack - I want turn back!

I plead! I plead the blood.

You can't have my family!

You can't have my increase!

You can't have my breakthrough!

I PLEAD the blood!

Through the Eyes of A Child - Antonio at School and After-School Program

Well, I had an awesome day at the after school program.  I had a party at my school.  At my school, we do a lot of fun stuff...like parties.  We had a glow stick party.  That party was so awesome.  We got to eat cake, Doritos,
and we had a whole other class come to the party.  So, I just want to let you know, world, the awesome day that I had at my school and at my after-school program.  Bye!

Through the Eyes of A Child - Professor C.J. at School

                                              School Fight     

A couple of days ago, I got into a "fight" at school. It wasn't even a fight because I didn't hit him. I'm so glad that Jesus helped me not to hit him.  I talked to the Principal.  Now he's going on a "vacation" until Monday. What I'm trying to say is to try not to react to so much stuff.  That would help everybody. Sorry this is so short.

Change the Mindset. Change the Results.

You know the thoughts that we sometimes have when things do not go as we plan in our lives?  Everyone is against me. Or I didn’t get that promotion because my boss doesn’t like me…etc.  You know the thoughts that we sometimes have when things we didn't expect happen; and it emotionally hijacks us?  WHY????? WHY did God let him/her die?  WHY????  We sometimes can't move forward because of anger or bitterness.  These circumstances can also distract us and can make us miss out on blessings. Most importantly, you can not receive freedom in an oppressive mindset.   

Change the mindset, change the results.  Don’t be distracted by the problem or the pain.  In life, there will always be challenges.  We must learn to resist them, while fighting the good fight of faith.  Focus on the blessings you do have and the blessings that are waiting to be released.  

Never underestimate the power of your mind!  Remember the times God bought you through?  Remember the blessings?  These are the attitudes that has lifted you above all those other things that seem to have you in emotional bondage.  You are the best person to declare and decree specific actions over your life.  Speak to the mountain so that it will be moved or ask God to show you a way around, under, or over it.  Always realize, it may be God’s will to remove you out of that situation. 

Just remember God is omnipresent and omniscient.  He knows what is best and He is in control! Feed your mind with the word of God.  It is strength.  It is a lamp unto our feet in the most darkest hour.

Just in case someone may be wondering, WHY I talk so much about God...He is my strength - strength like no other.  I KNOW what God has done for me.  If it had not been for the Lord on my side, my mindset would have taken me to places that would have been detrimental to my life.  I am a living testimony.  Try and see how good He can be.