Listen to Understand. Listen to Promote Movement. Do You Hear What the Children Are Saying?

C.J. graduated from 5th grade this week.  My how time is truly flying!  I started thinking about how unique he is and referenced some of the challenges and hurdles he has overcome.  I thought about when he was nine-years old and how he needed to urgently discuss his day at school.  The first two days, I listened intently -  mostly to allow him to vent. However, I presented a few questions and then left the two issues alone.

On the third day, upon picking both boys up, C.J. immediately began to vent.  I learned C.J. had a really rough day - both at school and the after-school program.  Listening to him talk and watching his body language, I knew this, definitely, was a teachable moment.  Upon leaving, one of the workers encouraged C.J. and told him "never allow anyone to treat you bad or do things to you just to fit in with the crowd."  While riding home, I explained to C.J. what his options were and decided to support him in the option his chose by attending a meeting at his request.  I went to school with him the next morning to talk with the teacher, but ended up speaking with the Principal. It appeared to have gone well and there was a plan for C.J. to talk with the teacher a little later.

I later received a call from the teacher.  She assured me that she wanted to have a positive working relationship; but C.J. wasn't willing to let it all go and start with a clean slate. Upon picking him up from the after-school program, I was given a letter by staff.  On the ride home, I asked C.J. why wasn't he willing to let it all go and start with a clean slate at school. His response, "Grandma, they acted differently when you were there that morning.  But in the meeting that afternoon, they kept saying I didn't hear it correctly, when I know what I heard and I know what was done."

Perception is everything - even if it is through the eyes of a child. I was able to help C.J. transition through his emotions and not be stuck.  I explained to him what his priority should be - which is to go to school and learn.  I also explained what happens when we are distracted.  I also told him that as an adult, I too sometimes experience situations such as he had.  But, we must learn to keep moving and not be emotional hijacked.

After arriving home, I discovered a pleasant surprise.  The young man whom had bullied C.J. while at the after-school program had written me a letter of apology.  I had C.J. to read it to me so that he could see what the young man had written.  I am thankful for old-school parents whom hold their children accountable and teaches them to take responsibility for their actions.  I sent the young man a thank you letter.  The letter aided in helping C.J. to keep moving.

Parents - How Are You Behaving and What Are You Saying to Your Children?

Recently, I was having a conversation with a subject matter expert referencing parenting; and personally, it took me back to my childhood and as a single parent.  As I began to remove my masks referencing my life, I am thankful for the memories of my father being in my life, but saw that quickly vanish after he and my mother ceased dating.  I recalled some of my experiences, as a result.  The cycle repeated itself with me as a parent.  I am thankful for vowing to never play tug-a-war with my children and never talk bad about their father.  However, my personal experiences led me to ponder several questions.

1.  Do children have a decision-making voice with    parents?   

2.  Why are children used as tug-a-war objects?

3.  Are we aware of the derogatory impact on the       child when there is division between parents?

4.  How did the absence of my Father impact my       life?

As the conversation continued, Mr. Robert Simmons, Life Coach and organizer of a community father support group, mentioned the word "parental alienation" and asked me to do further research.  I did; and found it most informative and empowering.   I hope this blog information will be used for the greater good of your child.    

Parental alienation

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Parental alienation is the process, and the result, of the psychological manipulation of a child into showing unwarranted fear, disrespect or hostility towards a parent or other family members.^[1][2] It is a distinctive and widespread form of psychological abuse and family violence—towards both the child and the rejected family members—that occurs almost exclusively in association with family separation or divorce (particularly where legal action is involved)^[3] and that undermines core principles of both the Universal Declaration of Human Rights and the United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child. Most commonly, the primary cause is a parent wishing to exclude another parent from the life of their child, but other family members or friends, as well as professionals involved with the family (including psychologists, lawyers and judges), may contribute significantly to the process.^[1][4] It often leads to the long-term, or even permanent, estrangement of a child from one parent and other family members^[5] and, as a particularly adverse childhood experience, results in significantly increased risks of both mental and physical illness for children.

Please read and seriously think about the content within the links.  Remove your masks - yes I said masks-  and self-assess.  We all wear them in the forms of roles, emotions, or positions.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/co-parenting-after-divorce/201304/the-impact-parental-alienation-children

https://www.parentalalienation.com/articles/symptoms-parental-alienation.html

Note:   Robert Simmons' fathers' parent support groups are currently held each Monday.  He may be reached at rlssimm84@gmail.com.